I am really going through a band aid ripping effect with spirituality right now.
I have come to see all the places we can hide in false hopes, numbed feelings and unstable healing modalities just to ignore the truth of our lives and the power of our feelings.
Many of us are never taught how to cope with feelings and even less of us are prepared for what life has in store for us. Living in this world means being open to painful experiences. We hear lots of talk about keeping our hearts open and loving people but many of us close our hearts at a very young age due to trauma.
The rest of our lives we struggle with our weight, with depression in the form of laziness and excessive media exposure, drug/alcohol/sex/gambling/other addictions, co-dependence in the form of marriage, spirituality and religion, and now the new agers have brought wholistic health to the mainstream and along with it all the charlatans that just regenerate other peoples programs with little experience.
All these avenues either masking the feelings or overreacting new ones. Many people struggle to just be and accept life on lifes terms.
There are times in our lives that we truly have no exciting feelings and it just is what it is, yet we feel abnormal so we rush out to a program or a spirituality that will some how lift our spirits. Other times we are surely depressed but refuse to make the necessary changes in our lives that our bodies are demanding of us, so we seek to numb out.
The reasons we come to these places to hide are all for the same reason really. We dont like our lives, they are not living up to our expectations and we have lost gratitude for the magnitude of our humanity. This is why churches are on every corner... to help people find those purposes.
I would like to bring a new option forth... how about the church of self? How about finding a new truth within yourself. Millions of people are getting it just by hitting the gym daily. Not to become a new place to hide but to get in touch with your own body, with your own senses. to open yourself up to your own intuition.
Eating well for your self, whatever that looks like and placing your attention on your own body will bring you into a new alignment. Through this alignment you might begin to notice how much you were hiding in a program of thoughts that kept you trapped.
Hope is a dangerous one and the one I am coming out of right now. Hope creates illusions that when taken to far begin to alienate you from the world for which you must function in. When a spirituality or modality begins to isolate you then there is a hiding going on and one will get lost in the grip of self righteousness and thats never a pretty place to be. Co-dependents love this place for they can escape decision making and taking responsibility for themselves.
I feel like I am finally stepping out of that place where I need to hide from the world. Now when I say that I mean, fully showing up for the world... heart open and losing the fear to be hurt and losing an even deeper fear of repeating the past. I really believe we can live without patterns in our lives that we can truly just live without the constant repeating pain nor the hiding from it either.
We do not need to re-create our past and we do not need to keep our heart on a love lock down.
Of course we must walk through it first and for some that will be a seven year cycle, but once you have moved through it, the freedom on the other side is karmic release. I feel that as the millennials age we lose this dualistic nature and are being moved into a more loving and accepting place where people dont have to hide in order to feel safe.
We all speak about peace but all we have done is hide ourselves from anything not pleasant.... its time to fight the final war. The one raging inside you. Time to face your truth and step out of it.
Its time to just live. Go to the gym, eat well, pay your bills, take care of your responsibilities. Then you will feel a passion build inside you.... follow it. That is your truth. Look for the good in your life and other people and this is what you will find. Basics. Keep it simple. Keep it basic. The rest will take care of itself.
I just recently came into contact with my own ugly demon of anger. Anger has been perceived so many different ways for me over my lifetime.
There is that anger that is explosive in the moment, you know the kind, the instant flash of fire sometimes destroying everything in your vicinity. Then sometimes the rage is turned inwards and depression ensues. Seeping out only in similar situations years down the line.
This is the anger that causes us to hold on, unable to let go of the pain in fear we shall ever experience it again. Living in fear is not something I live with anymore, but then again I seen this on a more mundane level for a long time as the inability to take a chance. I have no problems with taking a chance, what i do have a problem with is letting go.
Pain has a way of being very silent and subtle. A slow soaking within a relationship until the friendship that once was is laden with resentments and misery. many of us dont even know this is occurring until it is way to late.
This is the letting for of the anger that I speak of here. The anger from a hurt caused years ago but now prevents you from moving forward. How do you get past those hurts?
I have done counselling, I have worked every spiritual program under the sun and I have taken courses to help me understand how to let go and move forward. Yet I am still shocked when I am made aware of yet another pain I am holding on to. there is no mass clearing for these hurts, there is no pre-emptive procedure to save you from these moments.
Your sub conscious holds on to things for a reason. Your inner self knows when you are ready and when you are not for the move forward and only until you are ready will you be made aware of a pain that needs to be released in order to move forward.
So what do you do when you stumble upon this pain that has now lost you something you really loved? What do you do with the pain that is bubbling to the surface to be released? How do you work through something you felt you had already let go of?
First off don't run away from the current situation, it is there to help you move through the process, so no matter how ugly it looks keep working at it no matter what emotions come out or how crazy you look to others trust your intuition.
Get on a treadmill. working out your muscles is a very tangible way to release emotions that have been trapped in our cells. A routine cardio work out works wonders in keeping our minds and hearts healthy as well as sweats out the emotions that are coming up to be released. Cry while your working those glutes if you need to, allow the emotions to flow through you.
Go back to the source of the pain and make amends with the people involved. This is not always possible but if it is then you own it to yourself to express yourself, to forgive the other person and to forgive yourself. Sometimes just a letter is enough for your subconscious to let go, you don't need to send it. Clearing the air with friends and family can lead to some really good things if this is an option and if what you want is important enough to you maybe its enough motivation now to deal with what you have been avoiding until now.
After sticking with the current situation, getting physically active and confronting the original pain you can go online and do your homework. Find sites that teach you about self forgiveness, releasing anger, getting past fear and anything else that helps you feel better about yourself and the situation.
We cannot heal all our past hurts in one fell swoop, healing comes in a seeping form. Healing is not about a process you take yourself out of life to preform, healing happens in everyday normal activities. Live your life to the fullest in every moment and your heart will direct you when the time is needed to dig a little deeper to let go of something.
Till then take care of yourself and enjoy life!!
Do you allow your energy to leak through unsupported relationships?
Hmm... what does that mean? How would you know your giving away your power within an unhealthy relationship(s)?
Bills pilling up unpaid?
Job duties going untended?
Responsibilities sliding down your priority list?
Dishes piled in your sink?
Laundry getting seriously out of control?
Neglecting Self care?
Ugh, and again here I am. Stupid fucking cycles.
How did I let it get this bad? How did , preacher of the self care routines, allow all of this to fall off my priority list and into an energy vacuum?
Well for those of you who know me well I am sure you are already thinking the words I am about to say..... A boy. Yup a boy once again caused me to lose myself within the confines of my gigantic insecurities. Thoughts and feelings that cause me to redirect my entire energy resources towards.
Why does that happen time and time again?? Why do I get so excited and happy in love that I forget that I got to that happiness from doing all those self care things?? Why then when all my energy starts to drizzle do i place the rest of it into my waste basket of over sized low self worth thoughts and ideals?
Because I am human and have human emotions....... and like a child, as we are taught to become like again, I get lost in the shiny fun things of life and forget to take care of myself.
Its not really a big deal though. I have no regrets of that occurring I had fun with my male friend. I ended it before it totally consumed me and for that I have built a trust in myself. I will ride any experience train until it crosses my line. I know my lines.
However on another level and layer there was an issue of me not being real and authentic with my feelings. That truly is what I want to rant about here.
I am seriously losing some big emotional cookies over the fact that people cannot be authentic to their feelings, until of course they hit menopause or get pregnant or some situation that gives them freedom to express unquestioned. And please know present company largely included. I was so willing to allow someone else to move me through a situation with their feelings as a guide that I lost my own feelings in the process. That is not okay!!
I think many of us get caught up in somebody elses' life play that we forget we are creators of our own dramas and do not need to play supporting character if that is not our wish. For me I thought it was my wish because I believed that was the reward for the love I was sharing with this person..... amazing how deeply we can project our desires upon another person and how willing the other person is to allow us to do this in order to live in our blissful energy.
Its not an attack on energy vampires, as I have attacked on many occasions, no this was a great give and take of painful energy to hold us both to a paradigm that served a larger purpose for a long time. However it absorbed so much of my energy that my life went into bit of a disarray. Which truly no harm no foul, this is what life is about, ups and downs. Balance is for when we are dead.
Life when lived is anything but balance, life is about experiences and those are sometimes messy! Like real messy. My poor Male friends brain must be imploding today with all the words I dropped in there like little time bombs meant to go off every few days like clock work. Don't fuck with my heart, is all I gotta say.
Not proud of myself for losing my cool like I did, but not gonna feel bad about it either.... why cause he got a lot of free energy, advice and support within those four years. A little energy play in the end to recoup some of my losses is in my right to collect. Not a positive light a fluffy white lighter feeling, but at least I was real.... messy and painful, but real and necessary for my own light to shine and his to be found.
So how then can one stay authentic to their feelings so those yucky situations dont have to occur in the first place?
With Scorpio new moon fueling us right now its easy, get honest with what you truly feel. And then express it. No matter how messy it is. Write it down, journal it, express it through art or dance... however you need to get it out, do so. If you need to speak that truth to someone who is offending you, then don't be afraid to do so. Plan out what you need to say and then just do it. Know that your words will effect that other person and be prepared for the outcome, which might be messy as well.
Living a lie or against your feelings is a way worse feeling then having to pick up the pieces of a shattered illusion..... well it is for me anyways. You can do what you want.
But now to get back to closing up those leaks that I allowed to get out of control, brings me back to the preacher of self care. Time to attend to my responsibility and get life back on track!!
Thanks for letting me Share!
When are not so fluffy feelings to be expressed and when are they to be flipped to a positive to create a better situation for yourself?
I have been picking on the White Lighter community a bit lately. I am not trying to devalue their quest for flipping the negative to the positive but I am concerned with their lack of movement within a program as it is now outdated.
Becoming complacent or getting comfortable on ones journey is the kiss of death and the reason things turn toxic for many people. Letting Go is a very real issue for us as a 1st world society. Trapping ourselves into an outdated belief is one of those folds.
Twenty years ago when this New Age movement started it was very much about 'The Secret' and moving ones thoughts from an uncontrolled negative loop into a more positive you create what you think paradigm. It was so beneficial and very much needed at that time in our evolution. We are incredible creators with the advent of the computer and an accelerated speed of human development because of those first wave Indigo children and their positive thoughts theory.
However today the large body of white lighters still holding on to that outdated belief system is bringing a stagnant energy to the collective consciousness that is causing fake plastic happy people.
If your situation is terrible a few affirmations of intention and a positive thought or two and a deep meditation to bring about what you wish to experience instead is all one needs to flip that around. This may be true in some circumstances but overall this no longer works. We cannot just sit and think happy thoughts and ignore the feelings of displeasure.
We as white lighters, yes I was very much one, have taught people to ignore anything perceived as negative within us. We are role models of the happiness paradigm, we can make any situation Joyful just by controlling our thoughts and thus our emotions within the shitty situation. Believing that by being positive and accepting ones fate that the universe will see our pleasure and bring us what we desire. Unfortunately what that vibration brings is more sorrow masquerading as happiness. And a gratitude list that is getting more and more reaching to fill out at the end of the night.
Shadow work and healing is okay in its place and time and must be contained to a certain boundary code, but shall those feelings leak out over that line we drew as acceptable, quick zap it with a white light pouring down from heaven and our bubbles will be safe again. Spend time in nature and all will be washed from your emotional field and you will be a ray of sunshine to continue on your white light mission.
I can no longer adhere to these principals as my negative feelings always find a way to manifest themselves in my life no matter how much belief i have in something positive and white and good. I have so much experience over the past seven years of how terribly powerful unexpressed dark feelings are in ones life. So much so that if you are unwilling to expereince them your children, partner or loved ones will enact them for you. Emotions are nothing but energy in motion if your not willing to work with the movement of them then they will find another energetic platform... your closest human connection, your job, your passion. Dark emotions CANNOT be white-lighted away. I know I have spent many years working through this.
This is where we are starting to see so many women bringing in their wild nature and spreading their words of embracing their dark as much as their light. I love these women so much. We must honor our negative feelings, we must honor all aspects of ourselves and we must EXPRESS those aspects as well. Otherwise those feelings will express through us.
Being authentic and real is the only way we can truly tap into our higher self or our God consciousness. There is no negative or positive in that vibration. I truly believe we are smart enough as a human race to now realize that if for an extended period of time we are miserable and infecting everyone around us with nasty little toxic vibrations our reality will go to shit and we will only have ourselves to blame for it. Everyone aware person can pretty much accept this as fact.
But so what. Who are we to judge if another person chooses to live from that place. You have the power to move away from that person if you do not want to share that reality.
I just spent a week miserable and angry at my little world. That energetic vibration caused some problems for me at work and after a week of it I could no longer stand the pain the outside world was reflecting back to me so I had to flip my frustration. But i was content that first I felt it, honored it and even expressed it before I flipped it. And now today all is well in my work place.... just like that. i stayed present with my feelings and allowed them the space to run their course.
Bringing balance back to a pendulum swing that was very necessary twenty years ago is where we are at today. Many Guru's that are still wildly popular today are outdated in many of their teachings, many programs that you once were part of that are no longer working for you, but you have become accustomed to, must be let go.
To thrive in ones life the journey must be a constant ever moving one if a person is to evolve. Lovers that stop working on their marriages get divorced. So to is the spiritual journey. Weight loss clients that accomplish their goal weights must move into maintenance in order to keep it off. It is the same for a spiritual personal development one must keep moving forward and let go of old programs that no longer serve where they are in their development. I see this the most in programs of sobriety and the statement once an addict always an addict. Nothing could be further from the truth. One must learn how to be skinny as much as one must learn how to not let drugs or alcohol be their first go to when life gets to them.
Staying in a looping cycle brings about complacency and a comfort level that stops ones growth. Once a growth cycle is ignited, to stop growing means to begin to decay, to die back. Many people choose to stop growing and accept their choice to die back and for them this is okay. However it is the people that hold to their decay like it is still the way to the future and spread that death to others who once followed them that concern me the most.
I read an article on Deepak Chopra's site about how to find a Guru. It went into the differences of a Teacher to a Guru. A teacher is someone with knowledge but lacks the full experience. A Guru is one with full experience and can see the entire picture. But there was a warning... if a Guru is preaching they have reached enlightenment run like hell away from them. Those are the people who have stopped growing and are about to start spreading that death. Growth never stops once we start the journey.
White lighters must move into accepting all feelings and situations as acceptable and maybe even great. I was in my glory being a bitch last week. My bitch served a purpose, procedures and boundaries needed to be changed within my work environment. My perceived negative emotion worked towards bringing about change. I wasn't hurting anyone, only myself really but it was a really good outlet and now today my bliss is tenfold. Learning to ride the waves of experience and not trying to control so much would bring this world into a really great place of our evolution.
It is time to let go of the reins and enjoy the breeze and maybe even delight in the storm that is coming. Because in the end.... this too shall pass.
What do we have power to manifest in our lives and what is out of our control? How does the universe supply our needs, how does God answer our Prayers? What thoughts are ours and what are influenced by other energies outside ourselves? Is anything outside of ourselves?
I have been playing around with these questions lately. I was alerted to the thought that some of our instant manifestations of seemingly simple things may not actually manifested from our own desires but those of the energetic bodies around us. Let me explain....
I was just watching an interview with a very well known TV persona and she was talking about manifesting a bowl of Tomato soup one day. She was in her home and her caretaker just after the thought occurred to her, "oh man I would love a bowl of tomato soup", brought her over a homemade bowl of soup. She was amazed at her power to create instantly.
My daughter having a similar experience brought forth a brand new bike she won at a rally after asking me for a new bike the day before. On several occasions I have experienced the same phenomenon, as I am fairly certain you have too.
But how come it does not happen every single time we couple a thought with a feeling? The art of manifestation and "The Secret' have gone into great detail on how to work with the universal energies to make real instantly your thoughts. So how come every desire you have isn't instantly manifested like that?
After a week in deep thought about this and years of learning what are my thoughts and what are the thoughts of my higher power or guides, I have come to learn that those instant manifestations are a vibration or an implanted thought that comes to you right before the manifestation occurs. Which means that the manifestation was already there for you before your thought was. The thought came from either the vibration of the energy heading towards you, like in the case of the tomato soup, or it was a gift from the universe that your spirit guide or higher self couldn't wait to tell you about so informed you before the event occurred.
So how then does creating our own reality play into this or vice versa? Our thoughts do indeed create our reality, but where do our thoughts come from I think is the deeper question here. And how long does it take the universe to manifest some of our thoughts?
Many of our thoughts are generated by past influences or by the collective consciousness (media and social collective). Thoughts are often associated with patterns and beliefs and are reoccurring. That is how we learn to take responsibility for our actions and therefor what is happening in our world. If we see the world a certain way because of what we have experienced in the past many of us will continue to experience that until we change the vibration of who we are through a change in lifestyle. Those are the big reality creations everyone including myself is always going on about.
But where do those thoughts like my daughters bike come from? Who told her she wanted a brand new bike? I am sure it was a latent desire within her but to speak it is not my child's style and definitely not at that moment in our lives when we were living really skinny financially. She would have never dared bring that into my focus because emotionally I was on shaky ground. However the desire was so strong in her it over rode her know better guidance system. Did she have a little angel on her shoulder that spoke that reality into her mind?
I believe it was something of that sort. It was an energetic vibration that triggered her latent desire for a new bike as opposed to second hand the way we normally roll. It was the potential that it was around the corner that allowed her to pick up on the fact that this was there for the taking and if she wanted it the universe would make sure it was given to her.
I believe that we can only manifest on that level in that time frame when the object or situation we desire is right there for the taking. It is an already created situation up for grabs for whomever wants it.
I have a friend that is always amused by my ability to manifest because I go on emotional rampages and create my desires instantly. What he see's is my want and within days that want being satisfied. What he doesn't understand however is the universe is delivering what is available at that very moment that match my energetic vibration. And truly my want is much deeper and my desire much higher then what it is indeed that I am drawing towards me. If it is not in my best interest my higher self, my God self cannot bring that forth on a higher consciousness level, only on the level for which I have already established connection.
This would be an example of people that are used to manifesting money easily. it just comes to them without effort now because they have established that vibrational connection. However ask them to manifest something they do not vibrate with and watch how long it takes their God selves to bring them into alignment with that vibration.... takes a bit longer to draw those experiences forward.
Everything occurs on a vibratory level. This I know as truth. This month as the witches new year draws closer and the veil between the worlds thins I am researching how vibration connects with spirit guides and energies forms from beyond the physical understanding we have. My question posed at the beginning of this post will be explored further then.
How are those thoughts planted in our minds? Is it indeed just a vibration that was coming to us or are their guides around us truly directing our life experiences to keep us on track for our missions and to bring a little extra joy along the way?
Stay tuned I guess and watch for a post in the beginning of November with my conclusions. Until then what do you believe?
The negative experiences we face, unfortunately are of our own making. Unless your fully conscious and understand this truth, hearing it is never easily accepted.
We are in an era where we are all about white light and positive thoughts. An age where the flow within universal energies have become a scapegoat for our failed manifestations.
I am being faced with these outdated concepts of creation every where I go lately. I am getting pretty heated under the collar that we as a collective have moved away from the God in the Sky being responsible for our outcomes in life, to the universal collective providing the painful 'lessons' instead.
Neither is accurate. What is accurate is taking responsibility for your own actions and being true to yourself and learning what you are the best at in this life and preforming that. Creating from a place of YOUR desires and living in REAL joy.
I read once in Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsh, that Life is not a school and lessons are not an accurate portrayal of how creation and manifestation work. I put his book down right then and there because my belief was so strong about lessons that I debunked everything he had to say after that. Now several years later I think I am going to pick up his book again and take another gander at what he learnt in his journey to the underworld.
Life is meant to be enjoyed and loved. This is where the white lighters are right. However we cannot force that joy out of bad situations. We are just using the power of our mind to ignore the truth behind the situation. That is just another form of dissociation. Not interested thanks. The Truth of finding joy in all your situations is by making the choices that bring you to that joy.
Many of us want the great life but we are not willing to put the work into having it. And that work is not suffering. That boils me up inside when people feel the have to be in a certain amount of pain in order to change. Like pain equals humility and to be humble brings about peace. Not truth. To make a choice to be happy isn't easy because it means leaving behind a way of life you have become accustomed too. That is the work needed to bring about the joy. Not to be in pain first and then to find relief from that pain in some program.
Taking responsibility for our lives and our choices is the first level of awakening. When we are fully conscious to our lives, when our awareness is so keen to the consequences of our choices we have no choice but to live a more authentic life. Your higher self, deep subconscious, God consciousness will not allow you to veer very far off path because the consequences to a bad choice are so painful to your spirit that you must make a new choice or risk falling into a forced depression or worse an abusive situation.
Making choices to be happy for many of us mean making a choice that is going to hurt another person or stretch us far past our comfort zones. For the married woman who is dying inside to be happy means to leave her once great lover. Never an easy choice. To the overworked boss that has come to hate his job, to make a choice to be happy means putting his family at risk of financial despair. Not an easy choice. To be the passionate woman who wants to step into her healing role means to leave the conventional job for an unrealized path. All hard choices to make for Joy.
For most people its just better to survive with a painted face until the time comes that the choice will be made for us. unfortunately that time normally never comes and they are just patiently walking the safest route to death.
I dont know about you but that is not how I chose to live my life. It doesn't really matter if I am successful on my chosen path or not as long as I am getting up in the morning happy to be alive and having a sense of self worth that I can be proud of myself for. Because waking up everyday angry or worse yet...... numb, is a fate worse the death for me.
When we make the choices that bring us joy, when we become self aware, when we connect into our consciousness our dreams manifest on their own without any hard work or painful lessons. Life becomes a playground, a place that amuses and intrigues us every day. A place where we enjoy our work, fall in love with our dream partners, raise our incredible kids and pursue the deepest desires of our hearts.
All of this happens with no judgment of right or wrong, good or bad. Because conscious people live by an unspoken code of ethics that doesn't need constant policing. To live from this place is to live in total freedom. Can you imagine a world were we were all living this total freedom?
Well you can start those chain of events to that future right now. All you have to do is make the hard choices now that lead you to that happiness and let go of that plastic white lighter face of submission. And to stop believing in an energy outside of yourself that is doing the creating for you.
The power is yours. You can change your world!